I love putting on makeup. It has been my security ever since the discoloration and scars started to show on my face. One day, I decided to copy a makeup tutorial. Since I was experimenting, I decided to just add onto my makeup. And since I had a lot of time since I wasn’t going out for the night I added a little blush, falsies on my eyes, contoured my cheeks, and when I took a step back from the mirror, I looked at myself, tilted my head and said, “This is selfie worthy!” It sounds vain but most girls do it too.
Click. Edit. Adjust the brightness, saturation, contrast, and sharpness. Add a filter. Aaaaand Post!
I posted the picture of myself on Instagram and within 8 hours, I had more than 100 likes, 20 additional followers, and the typical “pretty” comments. When I read those comments and saw that people were liking and adding me, I felt flattered and excited! This boosted my self esteem at the time.
So the next day and the days after, I started posting more “Selfie Worthy” pictures that consisted of my hair tousled and makeup done. It really boosted my self esteem every time I would see a notification of some sort on my dashboard.
Then one day, the guy I’ve been secretly crushing on in my marketing class sent me a direct message and said “more studying, less snapping =)”. I giggled because he noticed me. Then my smile turned upside down because this guy is my classmate and sits next to me. He sees me on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for 4 hours and knows how I really look like. And it dawned on me that my friends who “like” my post also know how I look like in real life. I suddenly became sad because I was going to see my classmate the next day and have an awkward moment of some sort when he looks at me.
For a moment I really thought that those likes, comments, and followers gave me a permanent boost in my confidence. However, it didn’t and it was only a temporary excitement that caused me to post pictures that I wished I looked like. I really thought it gave me a sense of worth and a validation from those flattering comments.So the next day, I sat next to my classmate. I said, “Hey, look. I feel like I’m catfishing you and others. I know you saw my post and thought ‘she does not look like that in class.’ I like to play it up some days, you know. But I’m just going to keep it to myself next time. (Insert awkward laugh).” Needless to say, my classmate just laughed it off too and said “just keep it real. It’s just a selfie”. Now when I post pictures, I always think about the people that know me and what they would say about my pictures. Lesson learned.
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