My Cystic Acne Journey

May 23, 2017 0 Comments

By: Samra

I would guess by now my cystic acne is at the end of its book in my life right now unless it wants to show me another of its plot twists.

For four years straight starting at the age of twelve to sixteen I had acne with a lot of up and downs. Some months it would be less, some months it would be too much, more severe, less severe. I would cry because I didn’t have clear and glowing skin like the other girls in my school. I hated my skin. People would make fun of me, call me names such as ‘’Pizza Face’’.I was bullied, not accepted, left out and not welcomed. As a young girl, I didn’t know what to do about rising conflict. All I did was to cry in my room. After saying to myself, Okay I think my cystic acne is all finished, I should work on getting rid of my dark spots but anything and everything I used, irritated my skin. Nothing I used worked on my skin, whatever cleanser I used that was ‘supposed’ to get rid of acne, made my acne two times worse than before.

Acne scarring was my major fear since I was fourteen years old, everyone had warned me to not pick at your acne! Don't pick on it, it’ll scar! Little did I listen, stubborn and frustrated I was, I hated the look of a simple and just wanted it to be visibly gone and never come back. I started popping, picking, and scratching at my pimples. To me, the appearance of a popped pimple was better than a bright red on the surface pimple.

For years I’ve heard that acne scarring is permanent, scars don’t go away. As I am using my natural facial mask and cleanser as I mentioned in my previous article, my skin is getting lighter and my dark spots are slowly fading. But as I am using my natural cleanser, I’m starting to notice more and more acne scars.

Some are deep, some are large, some are small, some are shaped as letters, some are minuscule and on the surface. My pores have also taken the shape of scars. When light shines on my face, I can see all the curves and shapes of my scars, just like the little hairs on my face. They are visible and I want to be rid of them. I don’t want these marks on my face anymore. I wish I had received better advice or professional care before I ruined my skin.

I am sick and tired and want my skin back that I had before I ever got cystic acne. Acne and its side effects, dark spots, and scarring, they all make me depressed every day, it lowers my self-esteem. I feel horrible when compared to people the same age as me, I look over and they have no imperfections. My skin looks horrible whenever I wear makeup. I want clear skin just like I had when I was twelve years old with no imperfections.