I’ve been battling acne ever since I was in high school, and it had been affecting me terribly – physically and mentally. When I was in high school, I only got blackheads and small pimples during my period, but then things got worse when I entered college… maybe it was my fault. College requires you to do a bunch of things and the results are the lack of sleep and extreme stress. I drank coffee, I ate instant noodles and a lot of other unhealthy foods.
With the perfect duo of eating unhealthily and being depressed, my acne became worse than ever. I got cystic acne, pimples here and there. I felt more than just stressed out, but as a student, what could I have done? I was too broke and busy to even take care of my skin.
In my first year of college, my brother passed away. You can imagine how hurt I must’ve been feeling, to have lost my brother and to have such terrible acne. It’s the pain you would never want to feel. At my brother’s funeral, I wore a bunch of make-up to make my acne less visible. Even though I did my best, people still talked badly about me for having severe and visible acne, even with make-up on – and more importantly, in spite of my efforts to hide my insecurities away, I just got judged right in front my face. That day, I felt real pain, pain that no one in this world can even imagine.
From that day onwards, I felt more and more insecure. I put much more effort into healing my acne, but none of it was working for me. I lost both my confidence and my brother. I lost faith in life.
But then I watched “Inside Out”, one of Disney’s famous movies. After seeing it, I cried and I asked my parents for help. I couldn’t take it anymore as I’d been hiding my pain for more than a year. I was fully aware that I don’t come from a rich family, so I decided to just keep my pain to myself… but the world doesn’t revolve around me, and I felt like the clock stopped ticking ever since I lost my brother. So then, I went to a dermatologist. The doctor gave me the receipt with super expensive prices that made me sad, knowing that my parents had to pay for it all for me.
My face is better, but I still have around 2 or 3 small pimples every day, plus the redness from the scars is haunting me. I only saw the doctor once; I didn’t have enough money for the next consultation.
Lesson learned from “Inside Out” – if you’re sad or feeling depressed, you need someone to lean on. In my case, I needed my family to say that everything was going to be alright. I’m still fighting to heal my acne, but I’m glad that I found the way to express my feelings.
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