From: Lutfiye K.
Confidently running through the school yard I had great self-esteem. I was bubbly and had a lot of friends. Active loved sports and even our bad financial state did not stop me from learning gymnastics on my own. On my last year of primary school, I moved to a private school. Where I was bullied, bashed and left out by everyone. My confidence dropped dramatically, I was not able to speak up for myself when I did the teachers even the principal did not care. I just wanted to get out of there!
Finally, the day had arrived I graduated and started high school. I was hesitant to make friends my low self-esteem took over, I was alone. For half a year I would be all by myself until I made a friend. I was happy!. Better than nothing my confidence got a little better. Then I started puberty.
At first, I did not break out as much but this did not get unnoticed from the eyes of the bullies! They made fun of me. Instead of focusing on my studies I focused on how to get rid of it and how to cover it. But I could not I did not even have makeup, that is right I had no makeup. I was stressed and upset. I could not do anything. Which leads to more breakouts, that lead to more stress and more breakouts.
The bullies had great evidence to make even more fun of me. Yelling out "hey why don’t you get Proactive you need it!" In the middle of a silent class or wherever they saw me.
At that time Proactive products were everywhere. The advertisements on TV was just appealing. Seeing people with acne that have used the product and really happy with their clear skin. I was jealous really jealous. Then the price appeared on the screen and my hopes went down. I said to myself "nowhere in the world I could afford that!". I just could not ask my parents if I could have one because financially it was impossible. Back to reality, I was not going to get clear skin like them. I stressed.
I would also like to point out that this bully/bullies had acne as well. Every time they made fun of me I never replied back to them like eg. "you need proactive products as well" because their words hurt me and I did not want to do what they did.
I developed anxiety. I was a person who had low confidence that I had tried to build up due to the bullies in primary school, and now it has dropped more again due to bullies. My anxiety was getting out of hand I developed OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) I was peeling my nails and the skin on my lips. I still do this to this day. I peel my nails to the point it gets very short and bleeds it hurts a lot especially when I try to do something with my hands as simple as holding an object. When I do this I feel very guilty and no longer "feel like a girl", I get very jealous of other girls because they can get their nails done whereas I can not. The worst of all is my lips. I also peel them to the point they bleed. My lips look patchy extremely dry I just can not stop it. Sometimes I do not realize I am peeling it and my hand aches due to the same motion it is in trying to grab onto the skin. I can not wear lipstick due to the dryness and the patchiness the lipstick looks very ugly. I get really embarrassed when I talk to someone due to the fear of that they are judging about my lips. This is also a reason why I am unemployed.
I am now studying pathology and hoping to become a phlebotomist. I am still terrified about working with people because this is a field that I love and I do not want my anxiety and scars to let me down. I am hoping to get rid of my OCD even though I have been trying for so long because it just hurts in many ways. I also hope that many people who have the similar condition and acne can be free of their fears.
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