By: Masako
Have you ever felt so ashamed of yourself that you hid from the world your entire life? So embarrassed about something that you have accepted the fact that you will live your life all alone because no one will ever love you because you are flawed?
My mother told me that I have always had sensitive skin. And I never doubted her. Friends would ask me what was wrong with my face, pointing out the purple, green, and blue lines. You know what they were? They are the superficial veins on my cheeks. Yep, you can see them all right. Not only did I have sensitive skin, but I also have very thin skin. If my bed sheets/beddings were not changed every 3 to 4 days, I’d wake up with new scars on my body (mostly on my legs). It was not until later that I found out that I have eczema. And let me tell you, this took a huge toll on my self-esteem and confidence.
As I grew older, the scars just kept coming. One scratch on an itch, BOOM! New scar. My legs are covered in scars. So from 1st grade all the way to Senior High, I never wore shorts, and never wore skirts (unless with knee high sock). I lived in jeans. It’s raining cats and dogs - I’m in jeans. There’s a drought and it’s crazy hot - I’m in jeans. There was nothing in the world that could make me wear anything else. That was how insecure I was.
Then one day, I was in 6th grade, a thought occurred. “If other people have a problem with my skin, then that’s their problem. If they don’t want to look at it, they should just look away. I have lived in discomfort for so long. Why do I have to suffer?” So the next day, I went out to catch a movie with a couple of my friends, and I decided that that day, I was going to wear shorts. Oh, how uncomfortable I was! When I got to the mall, my friends noticed that I was wearing shorts and not jeans. They didn’t really comment on anything else, just on the different garment choice. I was stressed the entire day, though; I thought everyone in the mall was looking at my legs, silently judging me.
By the end of the day, I noticed that people didn’t really care as much as I did. It was all me bringing myself down. Now, whenever someone asks me what is wrong with my skin, I simply just explain to him or her that I have gotten scars through my years battling with eczema.
No one is really judging you. It is literally you against yourself.
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